TM: Two letters
Jul. 23rd, 2007 11:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alainn_aislinnMy darling son,
Do you know how much I love you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t. If anyone in this world deserves the “worst mother” award, I sometimes think I have to be her. I don’t have any excuses, or none that are enough. I showed an extreme lack of discernment that I can only attribute to my own selfish grief. I thought you would be better with them, in his world, away from everything that I am. I only seem to destroy that which I love, and I didn’t want to turn it on you.
But I did anyway. I left you with that awful woman. I didn’t know how your mortal blood would effect you, but I should have warned you there were consequences to what we are. I don’t know if it could have saved her. I didn’t know. That is as true as my love for you. Had I known, I would have warned you, but even so…I do not know what we could have done to prevent it. I am no good at teaching temperance. I knew what I was when I went to your father. I knew what could happen, and I went anyway, driven by my own needs and my own desires. What could I have taught you about control? Still…I would have tried, to spare you that grief that I know far too well.
I tried to protect you from me. Know that. In the end, I chose wrongly. Perhaps in Faerie things would have been different. You at least would have grown knowing that you were loved and adored. I did so many things wrong, and yet, you have never turned from me. You’re always there, and often I know that you are the one watching out for me, protecting me in ways I never did for you. I don’t know why you do it. I don’t deserve it.
But I love you more for it. For being there. For loving me. For forgiving me.
You are the most precious thing in the world to me. There is nothing I would not do for you, no one I would not destroy for harming you. Know that, even if it is the only token of a mother’s love that I know how to give. You are my heart. You are the best thing I ever did. And if it takes millennia, I will make up for all my mistakes in your childhood. I am so proud of you, my son.
Always.
Aislinn
Mother,
I never wanted to be a princess. I do not want the throne. Not now, not then. I only, ever, always wanted to be free to pursue the things I love. Music. Art. The passion of the written word. Dancing in mortal nights, and dreaming under Faerie stars. Your ambitions were your own. When you call me a failure as a daughter, I try and forgive. I try to not hear you. Because I am not a failure. I am my father’s daughter, and I am fulfilling the purpose to which I was born. It was never to sit on a Daoine Sidhe throne, but to walk among mortals and bring beauty to this world. Byron. Shelley. Oscar. Tennyson. Van Gogh. Monet. Liszt. Mine, all of them, mine. Works that live on, breathe on, spiral through time and space and they will be remembered.
The need for personal glory is yours, not mine. I do not want your Power.
I am not a failure. My father would be proud of me, is proud of me.
And that is enough.
Aislinn
Do you know how much I love you? I wouldn’t be surprised if you don’t. If anyone in this world deserves the “worst mother” award, I sometimes think I have to be her. I don’t have any excuses, or none that are enough. I showed an extreme lack of discernment that I can only attribute to my own selfish grief. I thought you would be better with them, in his world, away from everything that I am. I only seem to destroy that which I love, and I didn’t want to turn it on you.
But I did anyway. I left you with that awful woman. I didn’t know how your mortal blood would effect you, but I should have warned you there were consequences to what we are. I don’t know if it could have saved her. I didn’t know. That is as true as my love for you. Had I known, I would have warned you, but even so…I do not know what we could have done to prevent it. I am no good at teaching temperance. I knew what I was when I went to your father. I knew what could happen, and I went anyway, driven by my own needs and my own desires. What could I have taught you about control? Still…I would have tried, to spare you that grief that I know far too well.
I tried to protect you from me. Know that. In the end, I chose wrongly. Perhaps in Faerie things would have been different. You at least would have grown knowing that you were loved and adored. I did so many things wrong, and yet, you have never turned from me. You’re always there, and often I know that you are the one watching out for me, protecting me in ways I never did for you. I don’t know why you do it. I don’t deserve it.
But I love you more for it. For being there. For loving me. For forgiving me.
You are the most precious thing in the world to me. There is nothing I would not do for you, no one I would not destroy for harming you. Know that, even if it is the only token of a mother’s love that I know how to give. You are my heart. You are the best thing I ever did. And if it takes millennia, I will make up for all my mistakes in your childhood. I am so proud of you, my son.
Always.
Aislinn
Mother,
I never wanted to be a princess. I do not want the throne. Not now, not then. I only, ever, always wanted to be free to pursue the things I love. Music. Art. The passion of the written word. Dancing in mortal nights, and dreaming under Faerie stars. Your ambitions were your own. When you call me a failure as a daughter, I try and forgive. I try to not hear you. Because I am not a failure. I am my father’s daughter, and I am fulfilling the purpose to which I was born. It was never to sit on a Daoine Sidhe throne, but to walk among mortals and bring beauty to this world. Byron. Shelley. Oscar. Tennyson. Van Gogh. Monet. Liszt. Mine, all of them, mine. Works that live on, breathe on, spiral through time and space and they will be remembered.
The need for personal glory is yours, not mine. I do not want your Power.
I am not a failure. My father would be proud of me, is proud of me.
And that is enough.
Aislinn
