TM: Best Friend
Apr. 22nd, 2007 04:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
alainn_aislinnI haven't one. How pathetic is that? Two hundred and some odd years old and there is no one I can say I would consider a best friend. I suppose there are candidates. Aurelia and I have always been close, but in the end, she is my big sister and the nature of what we are and our mother's ambition for us both divides us.
Fergus has stood by me in times when no one else did, but there are only so many times I can go running home to him without compromising us both. He has his duties, and for a time I was one of them. He was kind to a child, but I am no longer a child, and the times when I could crawl in through his window and curl up in his bed and beg him to make it all better are long past.
Byron? Perhaps he is the closest. He knows me, better than anyone else and I, him. But in the end, we are not friends, either. Not truly. It's too complex for that, too twisted up in everything we have been and everything we could have been but weren't.
When I think of a best friend, I think of a confidante. Someone who's there, no matter what. Who you can tell anything to and who will tell you anything in return. Someone you trust and who trusts you. Equality, balance, dependence, love. Someone who will call you on things when you're in the wrong, but loves you anyway. Someone you can speak your mind to, without fear. Someone you can laugh with. Someone you can cry with. Someone you can trust with all your secrets, big and small, and someone who will tell you theirs in return.
I've never had that, and I doubt I ever will.
Fergus has stood by me in times when no one else did, but there are only so many times I can go running home to him without compromising us both. He has his duties, and for a time I was one of them. He was kind to a child, but I am no longer a child, and the times when I could crawl in through his window and curl up in his bed and beg him to make it all better are long past.
Byron? Perhaps he is the closest. He knows me, better than anyone else and I, him. But in the end, we are not friends, either. Not truly. It's too complex for that, too twisted up in everything we have been and everything we could have been but weren't.
When I think of a best friend, I think of a confidante. Someone who's there, no matter what. Who you can tell anything to and who will tell you anything in return. Someone you trust and who trusts you. Equality, balance, dependence, love. Someone who will call you on things when you're in the wrong, but loves you anyway. Someone you can speak your mind to, without fear. Someone you can laugh with. Someone you can cry with. Someone you can trust with all your secrets, big and small, and someone who will tell you theirs in return.
I've never had that, and I doubt I ever will.
