alainn_aislinn: (lost)
[personal profile] alainn_aislinn
In hindsight, perhaps leaving Faerie was not my wisest move ever, but I was sixteen and I didn't know any better. We're much like you in that way, always thinking we know better than our elders, and if you knew my elders, you would understand that a great deal more. Having not achieved her aims of gaining a throne through either me or my sister, my mother pretty much left us to figure things out for ourselves. She would toss out comments on occasion about this or that bit of our craft. Tell us never fall in love...

...Have you see the Cinderella movie with Bernadette Peters? She was a lot like the stepmother in that one, only not as funny as Bernadette Peters.

That's neither here nor there, though. Eventually, my father, who loves to walk your world, remembered I existed and pulled me aside to give me a few tips about how to function between your world and ours. How to choose an artist, how to reach inside them and pull out what they needed as much as what I needed, how to let my natural gifts shine through to touch them, make them great, and how to always, always, go home after. He made the mistake of staying with Shakespeare and knew from experience the heartwrenching pain of the loss of one so dearly loved.

Don't love them too much, he told me. Just enough. Enough to touch them, to reach them, but no more. Keep your roots in your home, and you'll always have somewhere to ground yourself, and their loss will not wreck you so much.

I didn't listen. Perhaps I would have had he found me a few years before, but I had already broken all but the final rule. I found my guiding star. We connected. I couldn't bear to not watch over him, couldn't stand to just brush against him now and again, to reach out on occasion with a brush of inspiration. He shone so brightly, so thoroughly, that he encompassed everything.

I left it all behind. I walked away, and I never truly looked back, only visiting occasionally, and always aching to return to him. I took no other artists as mine. I didn't diversify my portfolio, as it were. He was my everything, my world, my lifeline, and when he died, I might as well have gone with him for all the joy that was left in the world.

I tried to get it back. I found a musician. I had a child. I tried, but in the end, none of it mattered.

Crazy as it sounds, I think, perhaps, I should have listened to my parents.

ooc: Written from her book canon, not RP world, obviously. :)
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December 2007

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