[livejournal.com profile] libraryofwinds: New

Jan. 21st, 2007 04:04 pm
alainn_aislinn: (Broken Smile)
[personal profile] alainn_aislinn
I hate this. I hate everything about it. This...this is not how I operate. It is not how I function. It is not what I am made for. It is not within the lines of my purpose, my calling, or my gift.

Who do you want me to be? What do you need? What can I make you see? What can I make you dream? How can I inspire you to greatness? What threads can I pull? What emotions can I touch?

I am beauty. I am inspiration. I am She made flesh, my grandmother's blood in my veins as it flows in all her children, but strong, pure, from my father to me, without end, amen. I am the dark night of the soul and the light that greets you on the other side.

I am your hell. I am your heaven. I am your greatest joy and your deepest sorrow. I am your hopes. I am all that you fear most in the night.

I do not want. I only need one thing, and it is not that. Not your love. Not your heart. Only your soul's delight, your creative spark to keep me warm and melt the ice that forms around me without it. Frozen fragility, broken shards.

I want to give you your most passionate desires.

I want to light your world and show you the way.

I want to warm myself by your brilliant fire and dance to the music you make.

You. You. Always you and each of you as much as the rest. There is no you and there is no me, only the us that stands on the brink of the universe and screams into the darkness that we shall not be forgotten.

I need nothing else but that.

This...this newness, this want, this need that pulls at my soul and makes it shatter and meld back together into something different than it was before...I do not want it.

I crave it.

I want it gone.

I want more.

Everything changes and everything stays the same and you can speak of risks--I can speak of risks--but they are yours. Your feeling, your risk, your creation is worth it.

I don't want this.

Take it away, and leave me in your pain, your sorrow, your hopes, your dreams.

Not mine.


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