[livejournal.com profile] libraryofwinds: Question

Jan. 21st, 2007 12:01 am
alainn_aislinn: (Let me love you down)
[personal profile] alainn_aislinn
Sometimes she wondered how to frame it, exactly. The phrase she would use, the tilt of her head, the curvature of her lips, the look in her eye. She didn't want to be too casual, to dismiss the importance of the subject, but neither did she want to imbue it with any extra significance to open herself to ridicule for having asked it.

It all seemed so silly in most ways, and she could hear her mother's voice, half-mocking in her ear the words that wanted to make their way past her throat. There was a tightness there, though, that didn't seem like something she could ease herself past with anything resembling simplicity, so mostly she let it lie.

She was good at that. Dissembling. Smiling. Crying sometimes, when others' pain was too much to bear, yes, but she bore her own with a bright eye and a quick smile. A toss of her hair and a teasing touch was generally enough to turn the tide when it flowed against the revelations she tried to keep locked inside. The words might press themselves against her lips in a frenzy of sound and emotion and articulation of things that ran too deep to find expression in anything so common as syllables, but she bit them back. She didn't tell, and she didn't ask, not in words.

In touches, in glances, in the staying, in the leaving, in the things she gave up, in the things she took on, she said it all, again and again for each of them until she felt as if she had screamed it to the heavens, and then she waited. She waited for it to echo back, for touches and glances and places and sacrifices.

Every day she asked, in her own way. And every day, all she heard in the echoes was silence. After a while, she stopped asking.

It was better that way.
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