Apr. 10th, 2007

Huh....

Apr. 10th, 2007 08:58 am
alainn_aislinn: (Beautiful soul)


I'm terza rima, and I talk and smile.
Where others lock their rhymes and thoughts away
I let mine out, and chatter all the while.

I'm rarely on my own - a wasted day
Is any day that's spent without a friend,
With nothing much to do or hear or say.

I like to be with people, and depend
On company for being entertained;
Which seems a good solution, in the end.
What Poetry Form Are You?
alainn_aislinn: (Not that sort of fairytale)
It's not a word she's familiar with as it applies to herself, not beyond the physical, at least. She's not used to using it. Not used to asking for things in relation to it. But she was learning, slowly, until everything trapped itself in her head and there was no way to get it out.

Who do you want me to be? doesn't work when he says he wants her to be herself. But he doesn't, not really, she's fairly certain. Because no one would want that. The other night...

What she wants though, is to be wanted. For herself. For the good and the bad and the dark places as well as the light. She can't be sweetness and light every day. It's not in her to hold on to it for long. It's not her at all, really, just a mask and she wants to let it drop. To just be her and let them deal with it how they must.

Except no one else really wants that. And if she does, then it's best she goes. Let them all have what they want, which is someone who makes them happy.

Ultimately, more than anything for herself, she wants them--him--to be happy. Happy and content and not alone anymore and with someone who loves him, who he loves, who he wants. She keeps trying to be that girl, and she keeps failing and falling until sometimes she even makes herself sick, everything twisting in her head and how could anyone want what she really is, seeing herself through his eyes? Killer. Monster. Soul-sucker.

She wants those words erased from her head, his words and her interpretations of them both. She wants him to take them back, even though he can't, but he could try. She wants him to tell her not to kiss anyone else, that he wants her only for him and wants to be only hers. She wants him to say he wants her, all of her, that he wants to know her at that level, buried deep inside her soul. She wants him not to be afraid of her. Isn't that what love is? And, Danu, but she wants him to love her. Even when she messes up. Even when she says the wrong things, does the wrong things.

She wants him to love her the way she loves him.

But she learned a long time ago to stop wishing on dreams that never come true, so she pushes that want down deep, tears freezing before ever they fall, and focuses on the more important want. His.

If she can figure out how to make him happy, even if it means letting him go, if she can figure out what he wants...then that will be enough. It has to be. She can be that. She can give him that. She wants to. It's the only want she can cling to anymore.

Because one thing every fairy learns young: wanting the fairytale just sets you up for disappointment.

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alainn_aislinn

December 2007

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