Jan. 6th, 2007

alainn_aislinn: (Could have flown away)
"I think it is a perfectly valid plan," Aislinn said with a definite pout that might normally have been cute, but was just heartbeaking given the shadows under her eyes and the pinched look her face had.

"A perfectly stupid plan is more like it," Devin returned with a furious glare that made her flinch back a bit. "No way in hell anyone's going to let you do anything about it."

She scowled, pacing the hotel room, throwing him a dark look. "You don't have any say in what I do. I'm the parent, here."

"It's convenient when that occurs to you."

He'd muttered it, but she caught it, and sent another glare in his direction. "I can do this," she insisted quietly. "I can't fix him, can't undo all the things done, and I can't get inside his head and mend whatever is wrong naturally, but this I can do. I can take away the want. The need. That fierce longing that he didn't have before. Make him be like he was." Which was hard enough to deal with. "He's agreed to stop taking them, so he just needs a little help. I can do it..."

"By taking it all on yourself?" She wasn't sure she'd ever seen him look this upset, and flinched back again at the surge of anger that shot across the room.

"I can handle it." Exhausted, she dropped into one of the chairs, pulling her knees up to hold on to them as if they might keep the world from flying apart. "I'm already feeling it, Devin. Everytime he wants. Every ounce of biting need. There are ants crawling under my skin, and I can't scratch hard enough to get them out. But I don't have everything else he does to magnify it, or, I do..." She was losing her thoughts, some. "But just in what I am. I am made to pull sorrow inside. Heartbreak. Tragedy. Death. I am the vessel, and I hold all of them. All their memories. All their griefs. All their loss. It's already there, but I don't break, because it is what I am." She looked up at him, eyes far away for a moment. "All he is, I've already pulled in, turned around, given back. I can do this, too."

He moved to crouch next to her, worry in his green eyes as he reached to stroke her hair, pull her back to him. "This isn't natural pain, love. You've never felt the purity of it, of the pull. The blinding need for release from it, because you do just bear it, with grace and beauty. No need to escape. That's what you'd be brining in to yourself, that pure need into a body, a brain that takes the pain and shapes it into something new. A screaming, aching void that just begs to let you out of yourself for a moment, just a second, and then it will all be better. It's not the pain I worry would break you. I know you can bear it." He tugged her chin until she looked down at him. "It's the need."

"I can..."

"Please."

One word and it stopped her, tears filling her eyes.

"Please, Aislinn. For me..."

Oh, he knew her guilt too well. She crumbled, crying, and didn't resist when he shifted to pull her into his arms, fingers stroking through her hair. "He's hurting so...I just want to make it stop," she managed between sobs.

"I know." He rocked her as they sat, pressing small kisses to her hair. "I know."

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alainn_aislinn

December 2007

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